The following scholarly contribution comes from my wife Madeleine Lenski after conversing with her “sister” (my former postdoc) Valeria Souza.
For those with an itch for criteria,
Scratch this: What’s a niche for bacteria?
Don’t take me to task
If I answer “a flask” –
It’s a bitch from warm broth to Siberia.
Telliamed Revisited 
Your wife may have started something here.
(probably needs to be read in an Aussie accent, poor thing.)
Bacteria’s niche is not agar,
As is known from Norseland to the Magyar,
Don’t think me a loon
As I point with this spoon
At the soup laden beard of one Hagar.
http://hagarthehorrible.com/comics/april-23-2011/
Dare I say that’s souperb!